tick tock.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

TODAY was just another Saturday- totally unproductive. Not only that, it just goes by too fast. It’s 1:58AM already..then it’ll be Sunday..and then I’ll be at work again..
Ugh. Time is moving too fast. I feel like as soon as I finish my work week, I catch my breath and then it’s over; the week starts once again. I know, this sounds incredibly lazy and really pathetic, but I just have so much anxiety about work and being in public that I can’t ever seem to relax and take a load off so I just end up breaking down. Like today. I was listening to Super Junior just because I haven’t in a while and I choose one of my favorite songs, Your Eyes. As it started to play, memories came flooding back to me. Summer days, being on the school bus, rainy dark days..I lost it. I couldn’t handle it. I stated crying again. Engjell was there and I’m really glad he was. He held on to me as I cried foolishly and I thought “how am I so lucky?” It was then that I finally gave words to my feelings. “I’m so unhappy.” He let me babble incoherently about my emotions and it really is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me. My tears sopped his shirt but all he did was hold me tighter. I love this man so much. He’s always here for my stupid self without fail. Even if I have such a great man in my life, for some reason I’m just..sad. Unhappy,
This word sums up my current state; I want to feel at ease, but all I feel is constant worry and it feels like I will burst. Engjell cheered me up quickly but these feelings continue to linger heavily. I hope this will go away soon as I don’t know for how much longer I can remain like this. Like a plant, I hope to grow.