Late Night Sundays.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
I've spent my whole weekend with Engjell. When he's around, the ugly thoughts in my head never seem to stay. I've grown to hate sleeping alone in my dark room, because he's always there holding me. Just having him around me, makes me so carefree. I like to be alone, but the thoughts that swirl around in my head are hellish. I either feel everything. Or nothing at all. It makes me want to reject my feelings, and live once again as a quiet, stoic person. But if i felt nothing, I'd struggle with being with Engjell again. I've finally starting to love him without pushing him away. I don't want to go back to how I was. Engjell brings so much happiness into my life and i've never felt so easy and complete. So i'll keep trying to stop being this negative, sick piece of shit that I am. I'm so happy this boy is in my life. There's so much shit that i had to deal with and just having someone holding me while I cry foolishly is so nice. What the hell would I have done without him? Engjell has been going through a lot right now so it's my turn to be there for him. I'm such a selfish person, even reading this, all i could say was how much Engjell was there for me and how I needed him. But none of this can really shed any light on how much of a wonderful person he is. Any words I use to try to describe him is just dull and flat to me. I'm just really lucky I have him. It's hard to be sad when he's around. Being with someone isn't so bad after all.
☁ 私は利己的なんだけど、私はあなたを愛して停止することはできません。☁
Labels: blossom, engjellとの, feeling., 愛