I…

Thursday, May 30, 2013

PEOPLE ARE OFTEN SCARED OF THE FUTURE;.I guess, it’s completely understandable. It’s the great big unknown where anything can happen and you feel nervous and apprehensive. But.. I’m more terrified of the past. One little thought, one memory of how I used to be as a kid, makes me want to cry. Anything that takes me back, gives me a sharp, painful feeling. Anything. Even if it’s the pair of geeky jean overalls I used to wear a lot, I just feel so hopeless. I feel that somewhere, I dropped the ball. I messed up. And now, i’m kind of a useless adult. Any insecurities I had, any problems I was dealing with, I would cast them off the the future, thinking, “I’ll definitely be more beautiful and confident later! This is just an awkward phase!” “I’ll be so much more intelligent!” “I’ll be better at art! I’m going to be a cartoonist!!!” A cheery and toothless grin always stretched across my face at those warm hazy days. A real smile. I was so hopeful. I knew it would be okay.
So much hope. All just lazily tossed up to the future. To time. To fate maybe?
NOW LOOK AT ME.

Did I do too much hoping, and not enough action?
What went wrong?
Maybe I won’t stop hoping. I want to do something about this. Something about me.