Full.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I cannot begin to explain my feelings. How do explain something so fucked up and twisted? I’m I sad, or happy? Thankful..or ungrateful? Do I want to live, or do I want to die? Disappear? Rot into the earth and nourish flowers..? What the fuck kind of state is my head in? I don’t know myself. I only know that my head is full and swelling with thoughts I really rather not think about. It’s funny. The only one thing that brings me down in this life, is my own self. It’s funny. All I know is, I just want to keep life. I won’t give up because I still have people I love. I want to try for them. When I look at Engjell, I want to be a better girl for him. I want to live life with him. It’s no joke, love truly is a strong force. Hahaha, ridiculous. I sound so cliché, however, I honestly find this to be true. I want to take things easy, I guess. Step by step..I just need to find what steps I need to take, because I’m just fucking lost at this point. My week? Long story short; Work was work, last night, I went to a party with co-workers. It was amazing and I felt so light and happy. After, I went out with my mom for coffee and talked. Actually talked..with Vlad along who made me laugh so hard all the time.
I’m kind of rushing but the whole point is. My life is wonderful. I’m just fucked up and I need to figure out why I overthink so foolishly. It makes me sick.