Today is dark and freezing. It’s good to be alone. I want to lock myself somewhere, play games, and listen to music. I still feel like complete shit. Every day, these feelings bother me. My head spins and I want to not exist. If insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then I truly am going insane. It just keeps happening. These loathsome thoughts. These disgusting feelings, it never stops. I wait until these feelings pass and they only keep coming back. On the outside, I’m happy but inside is a complete mess. If this is how it’s going to be, then why live? This is disgusting. I am disgusting. I feel really unattractive today. I really have given up on happiness because no matter how much I try to change, I go back to this same place. I go back to feeling sad and worthless. It’s a hard week. I need a new start because I can’t take it anymore. I’m going fucking crazy. I might end up drowning myself. I am so fucking done. I want to rip my skin to shreds. Anything to make it stop. Maybe a hot shower will take these feelings away. Make it fucking stop. I am done. I want to be normal.
