“Maybe one day, it’ll be okay again. That’s all I want. I don’t care what it takes; I just want to be okay again.
Here it is again. In the still of the night. I’m supposed to be asleep with the rest of the world. My breathing barely there. Steady slow. Collectively with everyone else. My mind is supposed to be shut. Off. Not in service. Instead, it was going crazy. It was just like a screwed up machine. It just thinks about millions and millions of thinks at once. About things I don’t want to think about. I never want to think about. I think things, then reject them; I shoo these thoughts away, only to think them again. A maze? I am is over fried with thoughts. Like an absolute machine. It is the worse feeling, when your body is exhausted and tried, but your brain is still filling your head with thoughts and thoughts. Over and over. I just want to be normal again. I want to be well. I wanted this to stop. I can’t do this on my own, so I did the only thing I can do. That is pray. I prayed to go that he can take these negative feelings away, that he can make me a better person and change me. I want him to come into my being and make me better. I have been letting myself become a terrible person within my thoughts, and it seems like I’m just dumping my guilt on him. I guess I am. I know God is by my side and he can straighten me out. God is here when I am helpless. Sometimes, I think he isn’t there. My mind wonders but then these thoughts go away and I always crawl back to God. He is here. Whether it is believable or not. He is with me. I know this. As soon as I pray, surely enough, my mind clears up. My body and mind are both tired in unison. I am okay. Goodnight. Thank you, God.
