My life has been really calm. Things has never been so quiet. I feel guilty because while everyone seems to be working hard, I’m still at home playing games.
Engjell and I have been getting even closer. Maybe I feel like all of a sudden, I have to try even harder to be a good girlfriend because he’s going to be stressed out at work. How much..is too much?
I told him I was ready but am I really? He’s going to buy condoms. When I heard this, I started to feel panicy. I’m still so scared. This is it. I wouldn’t be a virgin anymore. I like being a virgin. I don’t know why but I just feel sometimes like I make a lot of fucked up mistakes and decisions, but at least, I was still careful about sex. Sex was never supposed to happen to me. I think this sometimes because it just seems so awkward. I don’t want to do this.
But at the same time, I do. I love him so much and I want him to be my first. I don’t see the point in waiting but…
I’m confused.
