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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Another day spent playing video games and enveloped in my covers. Video games seem to numb my mind. Sometimes, I feel like it’s more than a fun hobby, but an actual relief…because I’m reading and playing into another’s story so I don’t focus on myself. I sound crazy. Don’t I? After playing for a while, I took a brake and a shower. After showering, I always feel so nice. But for some reason, I’m starting to feel low again. I saw a cut on my leg, probably from shaving, and I thought about cutting. I think about this often, but I won’t really do it. I am too strong for that now. I just feel sad. I feel blank..and sad. It’s hard to explain. I feel like an empty husk. I don’t know why I feel like this. I will never know. I don’t want to exist. I don’t understand anything. I want to disappear.
This is disgusting. I want to die.
I think I’ll just light a candle, pray, and listen to music.