End.

Monday, June 18, 2012

It’s over!

I never thought this school year would end. It seemed like I just always looked forward to only the weekends because waiting for Summer vacation seemed way too long. I still can’t believe I’m out of here. I spent my whole high school experience focusing on tomorrows or next weeks, I never really put too much thought into the whole big future. Life after high school. Even now I really just don’t want to think about it. I still don’t know what to do. Right now, I just want rest. Long fucking rest. No matter how much I slept this year, I hardly ever felt refreshed. Just groggy. Gosh this year was just so exhausting. I just don’t feel like myself. I hope this summer fills me with the happiness I really had. Sure I was sad at times and insecure, but not like this. I dunno how to explain it. I just feel disgusting.
I really hope this ends. It hurts.
Buttttttttttt fuck. I didn’t want this entry to be filled with all this pitty party shit. It’s over right? This is good. No doubt about that. I guess I’m just worried that I’m fucked up for good or things can’t be carefree anymore. I don’t think that’s the case because no matter what, God took away every pain in my life. I hope this phase stops. This..confusing thing. I feel so tired.
Gah, at this point I’m just spilling out senseless stuff. I don’t know what to say. It’s kinda late and I just wanna crawl back in bed and watch whatever shitty rerun is on!
Bleh. I sound so unenthusiastic. This is terrible. I’ve waited all year for this. LIFE IS GOOD. I have everything I WANTED. The boy I liked for so long is mine. School is over. I’m free to rest and do what I want. Life is really looking up, so why the hell am I looking all the way down? This needs to change! Has my mind become so disturbed, paranoid and obsessive that life is eating away at me? I want this to end. So much. I know I can stop this shit. Whatever this is.
Too much thoughts right now.
Ahh, I’m going to bed~
Night!