Sunday.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

So I guess you can say it’s not just another Sunday..which I usually despise. That feeling of another tiring & scary week of school…at least….I don’t have to feel it today; like I always do. Monday is actually the last free day until I go back to that shithole. Until life returns to it’s usual routines. Until everything starts over & I count off the days again. Winter’s really here..right? It’s going to be cold and frigid soon.
It’s going to be harder to get out of bed. Will it be depressing without those who used to fill my days with laughter no matter what the season? I always think back to back then. I was so happy. Now look at me. It’s hard to go through with this..because I constantly think back to those happier days. There’s nothing I can do. I have no choice. No alternative. All I can really do. Is take it Day by Day. Haru Haru. 一日増しに. That phrase has been pasted in to my head. I constantly say this to myself..in hopes that I can feel better about all of this. –It does work..for the most part.
Through all of this, I can honestly say that I’ve changed. I’ve gotten way stronger. Tears used to fall from my eyes everyday and now, that emotion doesn’t come so easily to me anymore. Crying is odd to me now..because I don’t do it so often. I remember when the littlest of things got to me. I’d like to say that my will is now like steel. The me back then? She would never survive. She’s pathetic. I hope I will never be that person ever again. I really can’t help but laugh to myself when I read through this. Who knew I felt this way? I think of myself as simple and joking all the time. I guess it’s safe to say that everyone can be serious. Everyone has problems..don’t they? This is the beauty of keeping this journal. I learn about myself just a little more. This is why it feels like Paradise to me. So many thoughts in my head. It feels nice to sort them out.  

So..it’s really January, huh? It’s really a new year. I refuse to be like those people who look down on the year. Those who are stuck in their holes and say it’s gonna be another shitty year before it’s even stared. Save that outlook for those who truly have no hope. The poor and raped and so on. You may think what you want to, but you’re staying the fuck away from me. I’m already to depressed for anyone who wants to put misery on my attempt to be optimistic. It’s hard enough. Get. Lost.
Well shit. I don’t have this journal to rant but..people really irritate me. You know?
…
In other, less annoying, news.
I wanna drink lots of coffee and stay up as much as I can~ I wanna be awake and enjoy this day as much as I can. Gonna blast some music and play video games and stare into my Donghae’s eyes~
I got my Super Junior poster, my Rilakkuma earphones and my Chrono Cross game! These simple material things make me a happy fucker~ Let’s be blunt!
Just me and my coffeeeeeeee. Heehee.
Am I fucking lame or what~?

As for school, I really don’t care anymore. Yes, I’m a lone wolf, and I don’t mind it. Shit can’t be bothered~ ya know? ;c
//shrugging my shoulders.//
 TOP agrees~
--
Oh yeah, last night was pretty fun. I felt like talking so I called Egypt. She was so glad I did. Why? It confuses me. I’m so lame and..uwaah. Why would anyone be happy for someone like me. I guess I’ll never know. All that matters is that she’s a great friend!
So that’s all I gotta say right now.
Wow fuck. It looks like the pixel monster threw up allover this post. Just how I like it~!

later.

|SONG OF THE MOMENT|