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Heechul & Kangin; Stay safe & healthy. I will wait for you. ♥
Here we are. The most dreaded day of a teenagers life. No, not puberty..the last day of summer.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
It’s…
Suicide Season.
Hahah.
What’s going to happen?
You see, with Bloomfield..I had come to know what to expect.
Lunch with my circle of friends.
Studying hard..maybe even collage.
Now look at me.
In an unfamiliar, chilling place.
With no hope for the future.
So many things taken from me.
& now even my education?
Why.
My mind is a blank, feature-less place.
I just don’t want to think about it.
The weather is fitting for such a day..isn’t it? Cold rain & darkness.
Today, I just want to hide. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to feel, or eat.
My nervousness and fear will sink to the bottom.
I want to be a robot.
Just work, eat, sleep, repeat.
A machine.
No feelings, no emotions, no hurt.
Wouldn’t that be amazing?
I mean..sure, I wouldnt' be in love because I wouldn’t have feelings.
I probably wouldn’t have friends either.
But I think it would be worth it.
Nothing would hurt me. No tears.
Just blankness.
Just expressionless.
Painless, tranquil, bliss.
But guess what?
It’s not possible.
I am, believe it or not, human after all.
I have to feel.
Be it happiness, sadness, anger.
Depression.
So it’s either I bite my tongue, clench my fists, and face everything with strength and unyielding power.
Or..wallow in a pathetic pool of depression, angst, and tears.
I’m done sinking.
I have to find this strength.
I just hope I can.
& soon.
To be honest…
I’m not sure what I want at all.
I think I want friends.
I think I want to be able to smile in Belleville..as I once did in Bloomfield.
I think I want to be able to sit with others.
I just think..
But I’m scared.
I am clueless.
I have no idea anymore.
All I know is.
I want to be happy. Whether it’s as a lone wolf,
or with people around me.
I am just…so…clueless.
I just hope things will be okay.
